Dear Mom & Dad:

So, this is my first Turkey Day! Seems like a great opportunity to scavenge for whatever drops off the kitchen counter. I’m so there!

But Dr. Ron DeHaven, CEO of the American Veterinary Medical Association, is pooping on my organic poultry parade.

“This is the time of year that many veterinary hospitals report more emergency calls than any other time,” he says. “Often, this is associated with your pets getting into food that they simply shouldn’t have. Consider the dog that gets into that turkey carcass. Because of the high fat content, this can cause a really serious condition called pancreatitis.”

Dr. Ron is really beginning to bug me.

 “Many of the worst poisonings during the holiday season occur when we’re not at home,” he adds. “Be sure after Thanksgiving dinner that you put that turkey carcass out in the trash, well out of reach of your pets.

“Also consider wrapped candies or foods that may be in holiday packages. Your pets have sensitive noses, so they could get into those things. If that happens while you’re not home, you wouldn’t be there to help them.”

C’mon, Mom, what’s next? Is Dr. Ron going to take away the furry slippers I steal? I want turkey! Today! Hurry! Aaargh!

No one’s listening to me. Whatever.

Happy freakin’ Thanksgiving. You’d better hide your socks.

The Charlie Chronicles