I’m serving a special five-course meal to the intellectually challenged members of Congress who support Big Agribusiness and predatory insurance companies over the health and safety of the American people.

Let’s review the menu:

First Course: Double Cheeseburger

Sourced from: San Diego Meat Co. On Oct. 13, the U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) declared a Class I recall on 925 pounds of ground beef products that may be contaminated with E. coli.

As a refresher, dear legislators, a Class I recall is defined as “a health hazard situation where there is a reasonable probability that the use of the product will cause serious, adverse health consequences or death.”

Cases of ground beef patties and bulk ground beef were shipped to restaurants and caterers in San Diego. Fly to SoCal, and eat up, guys! You can barf later on Shamu.

Second Course: Beef Tongue

Sourced from: Cargill Meat Solutions Corp., Milwaukee. The affected 5,522 pounds, recalled Oct. 17, may include tonsils, which means the company failed to comply with USDA regulations. Tongue tissue may be infected with bovine spongiform encephalopathy (mad-cow disease).

No worries, guys. It’s a Class II recall, which means there’s a “remote probability of adverse consequences.” You like to gamble with people’s lives, so dig in!

Third Course: Chicken & Apple Sausage

Sourced from: Vatran’s Fine Foods, Inc., Tracy, Calif. Approximately 11,500 pounds of assorted meat and poultry products were recalled on Oct. 16 because they were produced without the benefit of federal inspection. It’s another high-risk Class I recall, affecting pork, chicken, turkey and lamb sausages, as well as veal frankfurters and other products. Chow down, wieners!

Fourth Course: Beef Butt Steak

Sourced from: Crocetti’s Oakdale Packing Co. (doing business as South Shore Meats, Inc.), Brockton, MA. Some 1,039 pounds of fresh ground beef patties derived from bench trim, as well as mechanically tenderized beef cuts, may be contaminated with E. coli. The USDA declared a Class I recall on Oct. 26. Hope that nice slab of butt is extra juicy!

Fifth Course: Meatballs

Sourced from: Fairbank Farms, Ashville, NY. This is a biggie: a Class I recall Oct. 31 of 545,699 pounds of fresh ground beef products. This one aggravates me even more because it includes Trader Joe’s Butcher Shop Fine Quality Meats and the Wild Harvest Natural brand. So far, 28 people have been sickened, and at least one person has died.

Diner Rules

You’re expected to clean your plates. Luckily, you have great health insurance—you know, the kind of coverage you refuse to provide to your constituents.