DENNYS

Never mind bald eagles, baseball, apple pie, and red, white, and blue. That stuff isn’t America, Denny’s is America. Oreo pancake balls, Bacon Slamburgers, The Grand Slamwich, and Moons Over My Hammy – God bless America! Denny’s menu should be our country’s flag, not those wussy stars and stripes.

The United States loves bad food. And we have the obesity epidemic to prove it! So Denny’s is without question a national treasure. So what is this harbinger of heart disease doing selling a bona fide vegan burger? What, what, what!

It’s true. Vegans and vegetarians rejoice. Denny’s, in an effort to offer healthier fare, has added a 100% vegan burger to their menu. But in true Denny’s fashion it still comes topped with pepperjack cheese, so be mindful of that.

Granted, this is a major upgrade for Denny’s. Its certainly better than their new Fried Cheese Melt, a grilled cheese sandwich stuffed with fried mozzarella sticks, but I’ve got a question. How’s this vegan burger cooked?

A vegan burger isn’t vegan anymore if Denny’s is frying it up on the same grill they cook bacon, eggs, and regular burgers. I don’t eat meat and occasionally I’d like to go to a diner and order pancakes, but I don’t. If the short order cook is making flapjacks next to someone’s western omelet, I don’t want it! No way.

So, as a dopey marketing major, I think Denny’s should advertise, with pictures and commercials, that they cook their vegan burger separately; far, far away from anything that comes from a pig, chicken, or cow.

Now that Denny’s has a vegan option, I wonder if Carl’s Jr. will start serving up a vegan Footlong Cheeseburger? Um, probably not.

Image credit: djwhelan