undies

If getting regular exercise and eating sensibly are just too difficult (as they often seem), you could probably use a hand in reaching your weight goals. I’ve got great news for you: There’s a product on the market that will make all of your scale anxieties melt away. It’s not another protein shake, energy pill or fad diet—no, this product comes to us from Japan, where inventors are hard at work perfecting the thing that will make you a “ten:” Fat-burning underwear.

Calorie Shaper Pants, brought to us by the Japanese company Goldwin, were invented to make your muscles work harder while moving, whether walking the dog or jogging a mile. It’s a wonderful claim, but one must ask two questions: Does it work? And is it necessary?

If it’s anything like the craze that was toning shoes and quickly burned out, the answer to both is probably “no.” In clinical trials, toning shoes were found to be ineffective at helping wearers to burn more calories and get a better workout.

No, I think I’ll steer away from gimmicky calorie-burning clothing and stick to what works: A fat-burning chair.

The Hula Chair comes to us from China and hails it can: Bring wriggling movement of waist and abdomen in rhythm; accelerate the intestines and stomach squirm; and adjust the constipation … to quote just a few benefits. Now this sounds like an invention that I can really sink my teeth butt into while enjoying a good workout.

But maybe I can combine all forces; wear my calorie-burning underwear and shoes while sitting in the Hula and allowing my whole body to convulse in fat-melting ecstasy. Take that, exercise.

Image: Josh Pesavento