No one is ever proud of being a gossip. In fact, most of us really want to know how to stop gossiping altogether. We don’t maliciously make a decision to talk about another person, but still somehow, in the middle of a conversation, we make bad decisions.
But gossip doesn’t just hurt the person you’re gossiping about, it carries a heavy weight in the form of guilt. And when you say things you wish you hadn’t it changes the tone of a conversation, sending you down a rabbit hole of negativity. So, why do we do it? Let’s take a closer look at the energetic and emotional side of gossiping.
The Energetic Reasons Why We Gossip
According Jennifer Michaels, a life coach, energy healer, and author who has spent a career studying the chakra systems--the yogic and Ayurvedic belief that there are seven specific energy spots throughout the body--when the third chakra (located at the throat) gets out of balance it can cause us to either talk too much or talk too little. Specifically, it can cause us to say things we don’t mean and later wish we hadn’t said.
Third Chakra Blockage: The Physical and Mental Symptoms
The third chakra can run from the inner ear to the jaw lines, neck, and shoulders, expanding in all directions. Symptoms include:
- Sore throat
- Feeling of choking or gagging
- Tightness in the neck and shoulders
- Feeling of depleted energy after talking
- Talking too much
- Talking too little
- Problems with authentic self expression
- Suppression of certain emotions
- Tightness in the jaw
- An inability to communicate in a healthy manner
“Since all energy centers are connected, a blockage in this part of the body can also cause symptoms all over the body,” says Michaels. “For example, a throbbing foot pain can be the result of something negative you said last week.”
This happens because you’re creating negative energy which can then appear in the physical form.
7 Expert Tips on How to Stop Gossiping
Image of meditation via Shutterstock
“Fear is the root of all energy imbalances in the body,” say Michaels.
She contends that halting gossip is also about figuring out what fears are causing such an imbalance. Are you afraid you won’t be able to connect with friends without gossip? Are you nervous that people won’t like you so you talk about other people?
1. Rebalance the third chakra
Michaels, who teaches a chakra balancing meditation each month, says that meditation is a great place to start. But if you can’t find a chakra balancing meditation class in your area, you can also listen to third chakra balancing meditations on YouTube. Michaels recommends listening to the meditation in a conscious state to make sure you agree with all the messages before meditating to it. Additionally, she says that adding the breath can be helpful as can visualizing healing blue light on the inhale and exhale.
2. Add intention
Adding an intention to only speak positively throughout the day can also help. Whether you add the intention during your meditation practice or you say a positive mantra at the beginning of your day. Something like: With every breath that I take I can communicate with love. Choose a mantra thatspeaks to you.
3. Watch your input.
Michaels says that what we put in strongly impacts what comes out. That’s why it’s important to limit your harmful inputs like television (especially negative news and advertising), billboards, marketing, and non-calming atmospheres. Replace negative television with an inspiring book, nature, or soft music.
4. Limit alcohol and caffeine.
You may have noticed that you’re more likely to say things you don’t mean when you’re under the influence of caffeine or alcohol. Have you ever woken up after having too many glasses of wine and wished you’d kept your mouth shut? Have you ever met a friend for coffee and felt like you talked her ear off? We’ve all fallen into this trap and Michaels contends that these “inputs” along with sugar, drugs, and prescription medications can all cause us to make bad communication decisions.
5. Ask yourself three questions.
Before speaking, Michaels says you should check off three things:
- Does it need to be said?
- Does it need to be said by me?
- Does it need to be said now?
Once you’ve answered these questions, it’s an indication that you’ve become mindful about your speech, which is a step in the right direction. On an energetic level, allow your heart to be a filter. Does it feel right to say this? Or is something deep inside, namely your intuition, telling you no?
6. Avoid unhealthy relationships.
Have you ever noticed that when you get around certain people you tend to gossip? It may not be that this person or group of people are inherently bad, it may just be that for one reason or another, you can’t connect in a healthy way. When this is the case, it’s worth reevaluating the relationship, says Michaels. Why can’t you connect? And if the relationship doesn’t serve you, is it time to move on? Before you go into a social situation, ask yourself whether it will make you feel good or if it constantly leads to a negative outcome that you later regret?
7. Stop nervous talking.
Nervous talking is often the root of gossip and negative talk in general. So take steps in your life to remain calm. Cutting out the negative inputs listed above is a great place to start, but you may also want to add in other activities that calm you like massage, meditation, yoga, candles, calming music, hydration, deep breathing, and calming herbs like chamomile, are all good examples.
A Word on Forgiveness
Even Michaels, who meditates between one and three hours a day, says that we all say things that we later regret and while taking steps to avoid doing it is great, forgive yourself when you slip up. We’re human, she says, and as a result, we make mistakes. Keep practicing mindful speech, but remember to extend forgiveness and positivity to yourself as well. Sometimes the emotional and energetic reasons that we do things are deep seated and it can take gentle nudging over a long period of time to change these habits.
Do you say things you later regret? Are you a reluctant gossip? Share your story via Twitter @OrganicAuthorit
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Gossiping image via Shutterstock