I am a proud feminist, but there is one situation in life when I wish I had the equipment of a man: standing in front of a disgustingly foul public toilet with a piss-splattered seat and a bursting bladder. Enter: the female pee funnel.
Also called a female urination device for FUD, the pee funnel is a contraption that claims to let women pee while standing up. Used for camping, travel, and any endeavor involving a porta potty, the female pee funnel seems to be a brilliant invention.
But does it work? Can you relieve your bladder without placing your privates on or even near the toilet seat? Or do you wind up with urine on your hands, running down your legs, and everywhere else?
A Funnel for Keeps or One-and-Done?
Female pee funnels come in two main types: reusable and disposable. Each has its pros and cons.
Reusable pee funnels are made of rubber or plastic, and are designed to be cleaned and reused. Cost: $12-20.
- Pros: Reusable pee funnels are obviously the more sustainable choice. Some brands are made with antibacterial and/or moisture-wicking material. They come in curved shapes that are a better fit for your body.
- Cons: Cleaning out a pee spout isn’t anyone’s idea of a good time. Any of the places where funnels are needed – campouts, porta potties, and third-world train bathrooms – don’t have access to soap and water for proper cleaning. You can also clean your funnel with baby wipes, but chances are you may end up carrying around a piss-covered funnel in a plastic bag. At least it’s a conversation starter.
Disposable pee funnels are made of cardboard or heavy paper, which is usually treated to be waterproof. They are designed to be used once and then thrown away or recycled. Cost: < $1 each.
- Pros: Disposable female funnels are more convenient to carry around and use. They are super light, fold flat, and fit more discreetly in your purse or even a pocket. And there’s no post-pee washing required.
- Cons: Do you enjoy murdering Mother Earth? While most female pee funnels claim to be recyclable, have you ever seen a recycling can in a restroom?
Taking a Stand: How Female Pee Funnels Work
If you’re thinking about changing your pee perspective, these tips might help you out:
- Don’t rush. Keep an even stream going, and give yourself time for dribbles to dissipate before you pull the funnel away from your body.
- Keeping your pants from falling to the floor while maintaining a firm funnel connection takes a little coordination. You might want to practice a few times in your backyard or shower before you hit the road.
- Stand with your legs spread wide, like men do. This not only helps your pants stay up, it also keeps your feet dry in case of leakage.
- It can be tricky to deal with toilet paper and your funnel at the same time. Get the TP ready to go in one hand before you funnel up with the other.
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Toilet sign image via Shutterstock